I was reading the recent posts of Richard over at The End of My Line (EoML) and DynamoDad (DD) at Diaries of a Hopeful Dad and I was reminded again of all the decisions we (my wife and I) had to make and all the anguish expended in making them. From fights to crying fits to just exhaustion from the whole topic.
Richard in EoML states that his wife accused him of being obsessed with his infertility upon which he realized he had made his infertility the center of his thoughts (while trying to outwardly state that it was not a big deal) and in effect pushed his wife’s feelings to the side and forgetting that the goal was a child.
During our TTC years we went through much of the same thing although for us I was not blogging our feelings but pouring my time into genealogy projects. My reaction was to bring the dead “back to life” if I could not generate life myself. I was partially removing myself from our marriage by taking myself to another time and place.
Getting back to why I am blogging. We all need outlets to get out our thoughts and energies while going through the rough periods. It comes down to finding some sort of balance to help us through. Finding that balance is not always easy. Anyone going through the TTC years dearly knows an outlet is needed whether its one of expression or escape. Now I don’t think I am trying to escape anything at the moment but I do feel a sense of responsibility and the need to give back.
Is this blog payment for the beautiful kids my wife and I now have? Or is this blog a justification / rationalization for the choices we made (right or wrong). Perhaps a little of both. It's late so perhaps I am just rambling.
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